Instead of the expected lacy, expensive, scandalous lingerie that most girls pack for trips with their boyfriends, I’ve got my standard selection of old school and band t-shirts and my Adidas sweatpants to sleep in. And even though I’ve got a track record for looking absolutely horrendous in the mornings, I’m genuinely not worried about any of that.
In fact, I’m not worried about much at all. Except the SAT I have to power through on six hours of sleep before I can race off to the beach. And I’ve already taken it, so that just means I’ve actually got expectations of myself. (Boo.) …And I’m also worried about just the two of us driving five hours, because I’m certainly not a friend of maps. Regardless, it’ll be the best car trip ever. And I’m totally going to sneak Trapped in the Closet in, in the off-chance that you fall asleep and I need something to annoyingly wake you up with. :)
Mostly, I’m excited for those long walks on the beach and staying up late and sharing secrets. Our last beach trip unraveled so much about each other. And, although I can’t think of a single thing he doesn’t know about me, I’m sure this will render similar results.
Isn’t that crazy, though? Having someone who knows absolutely everything about you? Like, just today I told him something that I’ve never even considered sharing with anyone else. And he’s just so accepting of me. And it is just funny, that he seems to love me more than anyone else, and he’s also the person who knows me better than anyone else. If that doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, I don’t know what will.
And, while we’re on the subject of how much this kid means to me… If - god forbid - anything should go wrong between us and I happen to run into his next girlfriend, I would tell her to hold on tight to him, to treat him right, to let him be who he is, and to know that he is the most caring and wonderful person in the world and she shouldn’t take him for granted for a second… But, let’s just cross our fingers that things continue as they are. :)
I’m just glad we’re okay. I hate myself for upsetting you and I promise I’ll do my best to redeem myself…. God, I’m just so excited; I can’t contain myself.
The fact that I may not see you until August makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels up and SHOUT! Throw my hands up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!! :)
Zimbabwe!!! I’m happy!!! New York! Australia!! China! Spain!!!! France!!! Russia!!! The penguins in Antarctica!!!
Can’t you feel my love? I feel it on every little piece of my body and it’s overwhelming and I want everyone in the world to go to sleep tonight a little more peacefully. I want to smile for the goddamn world.
I’m almost basically there - I’ve just got to find that balance. I’ve got so much I’m juggling, but summer should be my best friend, in the sense that it’ll temporarily relieve at least 70% of things I need to worry about (school, SAT, college, lack of sleep, newspaper, other time commitments, etc). My plan is to then get the remaining 30% (relationships, emotional stability, work, tidiness of room, etc) on lock, so as the other 70% is gradually reintroduced, I can easily accommodate.
Plus, the hopeful me would like to “get ahead” and minimize next fall’s stress. Maybe I’ll browse through some AP books or read the literature for English ahead of time. Maybe I’ll craft an all-star plan to lead the Roar into continued success. Maybe I’ll get into shape while I have time to turn a healthier lifestyle into habit. Maybe I’ll apply for early admission into colleges. Hell, maybe I’ll figure out the future and everything.
But mostly, I want to have a bloody good time. I’ve got absolutely everything going for me this summer. I want to take advantage of the relative irresponsibility I can afford before I get bogged down with finishing high school on a high note and “entering the real world.” This is, presumably, the last summer that I’ll live in my parent’s home. After this, who knows. So, I’m going to milk it for what it’s worth. (But, of course, I don’t want to let myself down.)
I guess I’m just so excited. I’ve got an absolutely perfect long weekend at the beach with my boyfriend planned. And it is all I can really think about, in between stresses of Saturday’s SAT (this time I actually have expectations of myself and thats terrifying!) and worry of how I’ll drag myself out of bed tomorrow for the last day.
Today’s contents could have easily been spread out into three days and I’d still be a bit overwhelmed. And I should be glad that I am so tired, or I’d be full of nostalgia for the past year that flew by, or consumed with worry as to what I’ll do to benefit the Roar next year. But, instead, I’ll just sleep. Tomorrow’s just another day, really, and it’s important to remember that things usually don’t change over night, so I can tackle them in the morning.
Maybe it shouldn’t’ve, but it still made me feel somewhat special.
It’s great to finally be able to say that tomorrow is the last day of school.
It was only this tweet, from precisely 17 minutes ago, that made me realize it is the last week of school. I mean, I’ve been fiercely anticipating summer, in the sense that I’ve got plans for various days and I keep thinking, “next week, I’ll _____ that doesn’t involve school.” But, it only just hit me that this school year is ending, and after the break it’ll be a whole new one. Yeah, basic concept, I know. But still. Whaaaaaaat?
I don’t want it to end. Okay, okay, don’t look at me like that. I want summer just as much as the next guy, but… if we’re being honest, I’m a bit terrified of July. And I’m not ready for it to be June yet, because I’ve been so excited for both summer months, that I want to keep them at bay long enough to really really get excited for them.
I guess I feel like I just woke up on Christmas Eve, when I was under the impression that we should be picking Halloween costumes. Because even though everyone loves Christmas, the build up is half the fun. And I feel like I missed that!
But anyway… I don’t want the year to end because I loved it so much. They say junior year is the hardest, but I thought it was the best. Admittedly, we’ve got a guy to blame for this. But I’ve never been happier than when I’m with him.
There were so many new experiences this year. So many that it is actually funny. Like, I can’t figure out how I had gotten by before. I guess I’ll miss the feelings of newness that accompanied this year. Everything was new and exciting, fresh and raw and terrifying. And I loved it.
But, it is the New Year’s Eve effect, innit? The summer will be the start of everything new. The next school year will be totally different, just like January first is a whole new world from 31 December. Yeah, right. It doesn’t work that way. Change is gradual. And I’m in a good place now, so I am excited for how things will evolve.
All the same, where the hell did this school year go? I feel like I should be packing my marching shoes and wondering if we’ll accidentially-on-purpose run into each other outside of the truck tonight.
“
If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply
that you won’t. It is better and more becoming to intimate
that you will do as she bids you, and then afterward act quietly
in the matter according to the dictates of your best judgment.
You should ever bear in mind that it is to your kind parents that you
are indebted for your food, and for the privilege of staying home
from school when you let on that you are sick. Therefore you ought
to respect their little prejudices, and humor their little whims,
and put up with their little foibles until they get to crowding you
too much.
Good little girls always show marked deference for the aged.
You ought never to “sass” old people unless they “sass” you first.
“I learn a great deal by merely observing you, and letting you talk as long as you please, and taking note of what you do not say.” — T.S. Eliott (via wanderlustaddict)
(via lexcepeda)
“Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time? My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.” — Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (via professional-princess)
(Source: seabois, via renniec)
untitled by peacexandxserenity on Flickr.
whatburger played a vital role in my junior year.
“Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you have vicious diarrhea the morning after.” — Taylor
“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.” — Azar Nafisi (via allthingssoulful)
(Source: paradoxicalsentiments, via meowtristen)
If there’s one thing junior year has taught me, it is that my parents (er, my mom in particular) do (does) not appreciate being “kept up all night while worrying where I am.”
Yeah, because worrying fixes everything. And, it’s not like I don’t tell them where I’m going. They’ve got to start trusting me and stop using the “it’s not proper” excuse.
Anyway, I DO indeed feel bad that I make them lose sleep, but they go to bed at eight o’clock anyway, so I feel like that’s inevitable. Besides, maybe I’ve just been subconsciously getting back at the seventeen years of loud music at seven every Saturday morning. Or the seventeen years of vacuuming before ten. Or the seventeen years of Mom waking me up to tell me to tidy my room. It’s not my fault we’ve got such different sleeping schedules.
Either way, tonight I had to stay in for curfew complications last night. I’m fully accepting of this as a consequence for disobeying my parents. Sure. I get it… But, I’m bored out of my mind!!! I woke up around one, had work at three, got home just before eleven, and have been waiting to fall asleep and it be tomorrow ever since.
But, the problem is, when you’re that bored all day, you simply aren’t tired. Or, I guess, I’m not. And after laying in bed for practically eternity, I decided to get up and clean my room. (Try and hold that against me tomorrow, Mom. Go on, try to tell me I’m useless when my room is all squared away… Just kidding. If there’s one thing my mom is good at - and there are countless things, but I’m just saying - it is that she can ALWAYS come up with something else to do before I’m justified in not being productive.)
Best case scenario: my room is clean, I can fall asleep easily afterwards, I wake up my parents in the process and teach them that my staying in for the night does not increase their hours of sleep and thus they should let me stay out as late as I want, and Mom has nothing to hold against me tomorrow. BOOM. I’ll settle for at least one of those things coming true. Particularly the no curfew one. hehe.
(Source: moukies)
Yeah, except I just woke up and have work in an hour and a half until close.
BUT! Things could - and definitely should - be way worse, so I can’t complain.
When I woke up, things seemed better - more intact. Maybe things will be okay.
Just don’t mug yourself. That’s all - don’t mug yourself.